Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts

Do not go gentle into that good night




"Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
- Dylan Thomas, Do not go gentle into that good night

Human beings are bizarre and anomalous creatures. We desire change at an inherent and perhaps even primal level, yet we simultaneously abhor and rebuff the very thing we crave.

Perhaps this is because, at our essence, we prefer to embrace comfort in the face of the unknown. We would rather avert our gaze than stare down, way beyond the precipice, into the endless void below.

I have always regarded myself as the type of person who constantly asks, "Do I dare disturb the universe?", and without hesitating, replies emphatically with a resounding "But of course".

Yet, is it really so despicable to turn toward comfort rather than espouse uncharted territories, particularly in our weakest moments, those of fear? Or is that the time in which we are required to delve into those unexplored depths with the most reckless abandon?

That is the unwavering, and likely unsolvable problem, I suppose. That is, the impenetrable question of the human essence, of how to define it, of how to negotiate it.

There is no definitive answer. The human condition is fluid and constantly manipulated by forces both exterior and interior to it. We can only decide how we wish to navigate our existence.

The rest is just ashes in the wind.

Love & light,
M xx

Waiting for Godot




“Estragon: I can't go on like this.
Vladimir: That's what you think.” 
- Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot


Over the past year and a half I have written sporadically. Wine soaked proclamations of love. Hopeless pleas of regret, sorrow, and irreversible anguish. Wallowing in misanthropic delusions my only solace. Tiny self-indulgent scriptures reserved only for me, to desperately clutch onto in self-inflicted moments of turmoil. Yet little of worth has been spilt from my quill.

Being creatively stifled has had an inherently crippling effect on me. I move through the world in a subdued state. Life passes me by in a swirl of muted colours that mirrors my jaundiced perception of reality. I have been completely stunted, entirely incapable of creative expression. A hollow shell of a human being trying to make sense of a nonsensical paradigm. Grappling for the energy to merely carry out the motions.

I fear I have become inexorably maudlin. Like a sad clown on the worst kind of summers day. Balmy and suffocating. The Great Pagliacci. Past his prime. Melted soft serve dripping down his pudgy fingers and wrists onto his chubby lap. Jaded and alone on the isolating path to self-destruction. 

To be entirely truthful, I have no idea where I am going. I am not where I expected to be at this point in my life. But really, who can predict these things. 

I tried picking up Bukowski but he only served to reaffirm my melancholy. The truth is, I am not entirely sure that we are ever capable of truly figuring it out. So we sit, drinking our cheap Scotch and sucking on our Marlboros, hoping for some inkling of enlightenment. 

But honestly, enlightenment is a lot like Godot. We can sit and wait and wax lyrical about our own conceptions of what it might be, but, like Godot, it repeatedly fails to arrive. The play ends, the house lights turn off and we are left in the dark, alone, no closer to to enlightenment than we were before. 

To prophesize that it is all doom and gloom, though, would be an insult to the truth. What other point to life is there than to grab onto the fragments of happiness that are flung our way and hold onto them with the utmost vehemence? Like a child unwilling to part with its favourite toy.

It only takes one person to alter our perceptions of reality, to banish the darkness and expose the cracks of light beyond the abyss, albeit in rare and infrequent effusions. If you happen to stumble across this person, do not let them go. You might not find another like them again.

Love & light,
M xx

Special Topics in Calamity Physics

 

 




"And I feel like I'm dippin' and divin'. 
My sky shoes are spiked with lead heels. 
I'm lost in this star car I'm drivin'. 
But my air sole keeps pushin' big wheels. 
My world is a constant confusion.
My mind is prepared to attack.
My past, a persuasive illusion.
I'm watchin' the future it's black.
What do you know? 
You know just what you perceive.
What can you show?
Nothing of what you believe.
And as you grow, each thread of life that you leave
Will spin around your deeds and dictate your needs
As you sell your soul and you sow your seeds
And you wound yourself and your loved ones bleed
And your habits grow, and your conscience feeds
On all that you thought you should be
I never thought this could happen to me." 

- Don McLean, Dreidel 

An imperceptible sigh. That is how I categorize my existence now. The slow and steady release of breath symbolizing my inability to hold on to the will to live. My perpetual decent into the various circles of hell. Dante's Inferno beckons me, with whispers that feel like thistles on my eardrums, blood trickling down the side of my face, the metallic aroma prickling my nostrils. I always thought of myself as a writer, yet I am barely grasping my ability to formulate the narrative, the lyrical dialogue, the intro, body and conclusion, as it were. I have lost the plot, a thoroughly post-modern dilemma, some might say. Is it ethical to call myself a writer if I am hardly wont to label myself human? Are the two really indissociable? My perception is warped, not unlike fun-house mirrors, distorting reality, drawing one into what lies beyond the twisted glass. A world of fear, loathing and disillusionment.

Love & light,
M xx 

The Unbearable Lightness of Being








“But is heaviness truly deplorable and lightness splendid? The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But in the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man’s body. The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously the image of life’s most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become. Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant. What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?”
- Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Milan Kundera is one of my 'all-time' favorite authors. At the risk of sounding like a pretentious sycophant claiming to be enlightened by the power of literature, I can honestly say that reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being altered my very essence. Please do not mistake my intellectual epiphany for some frivolous Eat, Pray, Love-type journey of so-called self-discovery, which is actually little more than a thinly veiled romance novel masquerading as a proclamation of empowerment. No. Reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being was not that kind of experience. The war-torn political wasteland of the 1968 Prague Spring seemed to serve as a metaphor for my eternal neurosis. Yet, what has haunted me most since opening the cover and absorbing the words for the first time, is the unshakable realization that I am, and probably will always be, a heavy person. Despite my constant efforts to let lightness into my life, I am continually weighed down by my perpetual anxiety. I am beginning to accept that I will always be more like Tereza than Sabina - endlessly heavy, freed only fleetingly by a chance encounter with a bowler hat and the unconditional love of a dog named Karenin. 

Love & light, 
M  xx 

I Lost Myself on a Cool Damp Night









Sometimes I feel like my life is nothing more than a vague imitation of a badly written postmodern novel. Disjointed. Fragmented. Unfinished. I am floating around in a sea of grey, waiting for the epilogue that never comes. Some cliched indie film about a young ingenue suffering through an existential crisis. The not-so-enigmatic anti-heroine. A supporting character in her own narrative. A tragic victim of my neurosis. A thinly veiled portrayal of my poorly disguised desperation for a happy ending that is as tangible as a wisp of smoke.

Long hours spent on the dance floor tying to re-live my misspent youth. Is this what passes for music nowadays? Or is my repulsion just an indication that I have become jaded? These people are like the undead, wafting past one another, looking but not really seeing, speaking but not really listening, silently judging as they repeat their carefully constructed swaying ad nauseum. I have the gnawing suspicion that I should feel excited to be here but I am incapable of summoning the appropriate level of joie de vivre. I surrender and let the chaotic amalgam encircle me. I close my eyes and let the vibrations carry me.

The morning after the night before. Smudged mascara and the stench of stale cigarette smoke linger on my hair and under my fingernails. Re-watching old reruns of That 70's Show and pretending I don't exist. The canned laughter is my own. Stolen embraces in deserted stairwells. Juvenile wishes made under touching tree branches. I am anxious that all I will leave behind when I'm gone is the vague scent of Very Cherry lip balm and regret.

Love & light,
M xx

Whaddup, Liebster Award!!!

So, as I mentioned in my previous post, I was nominated for both the Versatile Blogger Award and the Liebster Award - which I will be posting about today!!! :) A HUGE thank you to Stephanie from VidathingS for nominating my blog for the Liebster Award!!! Please check out her blog, like immediately, because it is all kinds of awesome!!! :) To have been nominated for this award and the Versatile Blogger Award, especially when my blog is still so new, is such an amazing honor and it really inspires me to continue growing and nurturing my blog. :)


THESE ARE LE RULES
  1. Share 11 things about  yourself
  2. Answer the 11 questions that your tagger gave you
  3. Choose 11 fellow blogs to nominate. The nominees must have less than 200 Google Friend Connect Followers and be told via comment on their blog
  4. Think of 11 questions to ask the bloggers that were nominated 
  5. Thank the person that nominated you and link back their blog

11 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF
  1. My family is literally the most important thing in the world to me.
  2. I love being outdoors. I believe that too often we forget that we are a part of nature and inherently connected to it. 
  3. I hate technology but don't know how to live without it. 
  4. I am my biggest critic and my own worst enemy.
  5. Even though I think it's a good thing, I don't adapt easily to change. 
  6. I am obsessed with horror movies. Especially old, black and white vampire movies, like Nosferatu, and classic zombie movies a la George Romero. 
  7. One of my most pressing dreams is to see the world and have amazing, life-changing experiences. 
  8. Sometimes I wish my life was a little bit more like a John Hughes movie. 
  9. For a large part of my life all I wanted to do was be a classical musician. 
  10. I feel like my experience of high school poisoned me against things that are actually valuable in life. 
  11. I want to be a blues singer in a dark smokey club lounge. 

STEPHANIE'S 11 QUESTIONS

   1. How you love spending your time? The best way to spend my time is with my family. I am house-sitting 
       at the moment and experiencing severe separation anxiety! I also love getting lost in the world of literature 
       and music. 
   2. Two clothing items that you can't live without? At the moment I would have to say my high-waisted 
       shorts and crop tops (this will probably change soon, with winter drawing closer and all that)
   3. What can people learn from your blog? Or what do you want them to? Of course this is primarily a 
        fashion blog, so I hope to inspire others with my style (I feel quite narcissistic writing this). But my blog 
        isn't only about fashion. It's also about contemplating life and daily frustrations, so I hope my readers are 
        able to take something useful from my ramblings. 
    4. If you could pack your bags right now and move to another city, which one would it be? I'd 
         probably choose somewhere in Greece or Turkey, because I'm really fascinated by the culture at the 
         moment. 
    5. If you could meet one famous person, who would you choose? Hmm, this is a tough one, there are 
        so many inspiring figures. Can I choose someone who is dead?? Because I would love to be able to have
        a conversation with Michel Foucault or John Lennon. 
    6. A sunny day at the beach or a cold, snowy day at the mountains? A sunny day at the beach wins 
        every time. 
    7. Most amazing thing, memory or day of your life? This is such a difficult question to answer. I guess 
        the memory, or actually memories that stand out the most in my mind are those days in my childhood, 
        when everything was simple and life was full of promise. I remember days spent playing in the garden with
        my sister, building puzzles with my mom on rainy days, and getting piggy-back rides from my dad. It is 
        these moments that I cherish the most. 
    8. Favourite scent? The smell of bread baking is truly amazing. 
    9. Describe your style in 3 words. Eclectic, retro, colourful. 
  10. What is the motto of your life? "See everything, and ourselves in everything, healed and whole, forever".
  11. What is your favourite beauty product? Probably mascara...I have really pathetic eyelashes. 

MY 11 QUESTIONS

   1. Who is your style icon??
   2. What are two of your worst habits?? 
   3. Are you a morning person or a night owl??
   4. What is your favourite song at the moment?? 
   5. What do you do if you are having a really bad day?? What calms you down?? 
   6. If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be??
   7. What would your superhero name be?? 
   8. What is your favourite accessory?? 
   9. What inspired you to start blogging?? 
  10. All time favourite movie?? 
11. If you were stranded on a desert island and could take 3 things with you (excluding human 
        beings), what would you choose to take?? 

MY 11 LOVELY NOMINEES!
  1. Galia from Fashionarted
  2. Smiley Clara from Ditsy Sprinkles 
  3. Blythe from Blue Roses
  4. Bianca from XOXO Lolita 
  5. JKal from Jkal's Vintage Affair 
  6. Kaitlyn and Lotte from Moon Magic 
  7. Ashley from The Little Dainty Sailor
  8. Lauren from Creativity is Blisss
  9. Anna from Annagram
  10. Fiona and Jenny from The Scarlet Ribbon  
  11. Mia from Fashionably Late  
These are some of the blogs that I have stumbled across recently and really enjoy reading, so please check 
them out - they are all so amazing!!! :) 

To all the nominees, please comment with a link to your Liebster Award post so I can read your answers!!! <3 


A huge thank you again to Stephanie from VidathingS for nominating me for this award!!! :) 

Love & light, 

M xx 

P. S. Tomorrow I will post a new outfit (with my new hair *wink* Ooh la la!!!) 

The Versatile Blogger Award!!!

I haven't posted anything, or even been online, for a while because I have been dealing with some personal stuff that I would rather not write about here. That said, I was so thrilled and honored when I logged on today and discovered that I have been nominated for both a Versatile Blogger Award by Holly-Bella Cassell from The Persephone Complex and a Liebster Award by Stephanie from VidathingS!!! :) Ermahgerd!!! Thank you both SO MUCH!!! I am sending the most positive vibes your way! :) If you haven't already checked out their blogs, please do so now because they are AMAZING - to have been nominated by these lovely ladies is totally awesome!!! :)

It really made my day to realize that people actually like and appreciate my blog (and that what I put out there isn't getting lost in cyberspace). I'm going to address the Versatile Blogger Award today because it was the first one that I was nominated for and tomorrow I will post about the Liebster Award :)

Allow me to escort you through this journey into the thoughts that travel through my weary mind...I will use some pictures as visual aids where I can.

Fact #1: Sometimes I wish my life was a musical. I couldn't tell you the amount of times I am struck by the desperate need to break into song. 


Fact #2: There are few things I enjoy more than losing myself in my writing. Sometimes I feel like reality is a prison. 




Fact #3: I'm petrified of the dark. I can't sleep in a house if there isn't at least one light on. 




Fact #4: I'm a neurotic, overly anxious, obsessive compulsive eccentric. Some people think I'm weird. I think I'm alternative. Maybe this is how I ended up as a philosophy student. 




Fact #5: I am, for the most part, a gigantic cynic but I think I might be a closet romantic. It's the only explanation I have for crying at the end of City of Angels (I generally find Meg Ryan and the romance genre rather painful). 




Fact #6: I really like chocolate and junk food. Which is terribly fattening and unhealthy. And I know this. But I don't care.  




Fact #7: I like things that are old - that transport me to a different time in history. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong era. Typewriters, Singer sewing machines and The Beatles make me feel warm inside in a way that I can't really explain. 




Fact #8: I feel slightly uncomfortable talking about myself. I think that technology coerces us into exploiting our 'personalities' and seduces us into thinking we are more important than we actually are. Most of us are guilty of this. Me included. 




Fact #9: I don't drink coffee, but I really, really, REALLY like tea. 





INSPIRING VERSATILE BLOGGERS THAT I NOMINATE!!!
LE RULES
Share some facts about yourself
Nominate seven other bloggers, and let them know they've been picked
Link back to the blogger that nominated you
Add the Versatile Blogger Award to your post!


Thank you SO freaking much again to Holly-Bella Cassell from The Persephone Complex for nominating me for this award!!! :)

Love & light,
M xx

In an Octopus's Garden, In the Shade













I have been feeling kind of out of sorts lately - frustrated and despondent. I can't seem to shake the feeling of wanting to run away and then the subsequent realization that I don't have anywhere to run to. A few days ago my dad and I went to Jeffreys Bay, a small surfing town less than an hour away from where we stay, to work on a freelance article. As we were driving into town I looked behind me and witnessed the first rays of sunlight creeping up of the mountains. I watched until the sun had fully risen into the misty morning sky. For a moment I lost myself in the overwhelming beauty of nature. We spent a lot of time walking on the beach. As cliched as it might sound, it was thrilling to kick my shoes off and feel the warm sand between my toes, the crisp sea breeze on my face. I dipped my toes in the numerous rock pools scattered across the beach and let the salty water soak my tired feet. During that time I forgot about everything that has been weighing on me - every problem, every worry dissolved. And I felt free. Of course, the minute I was back in the car and was back with my cell phone I lost that feeling of liberation. So since then, every time that I feel like I'm being pushed towards the edge I close my eyes and try to recapture what that sense of freedom felt like by remembering what it was like on the beach. This whole account probably sounds kind of pretentious and self-absorbed, but it is what I need sometimes to get through the tough parts in life. Besides, I believe that appreciating the beauty of nature, and our place in the world as part of nature, is extremely therapeutic. 

What do you do to help you get through the rough days?? Share your moments with me :) 

Love & light, 
M xx 

P. S.: Photographs courtesy of Pat Sydie :) 


Silent Night



The night is silent, 
It steals my screams,
It makes me nervous,
It hates my dreams

Strawberry Fields Forever













Lately I have been feeling so disconnected from reality. I feel like I'm floating around in my own little world, in some impenetrable bubble. I don't know if this is the flu medication talking, or hours lost in research for my dissertation, but I just feel oddly unsettled by the realization that it is March already. It seems as if this year has been passing by in a haze. I do like being in my own world though, day dreaming, pretending I'm someone else, somewhere else. I've been listening to Asaf Avidan and the Mojos lately in my car during the long drive to university and their music can really transport you to another realm :) I think we get tied down to our 'identities', and it's nice to escape sometimes. Maybe this is why I love Alice in Wonderland so much - sometimes I wish I was the one falling down that rabbit hole.

Anyway, I'm rambling, as I do sometimes, haha. What do you think of the outfit and pictures?? :) What music do you listen to when you want to escape?? :)

Love & light,
M xx

P.S. Photographs courtesy of Pat Sydie :)