Showing posts with label insomnia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insomnia. Show all posts

Do not go gentle into that good night




"Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
- Dylan Thomas, Do not go gentle into that good night

Human beings are bizarre and anomalous creatures. We desire change at an inherent and perhaps even primal level, yet we simultaneously abhor and rebuff the very thing we crave.

Perhaps this is because, at our essence, we prefer to embrace comfort in the face of the unknown. We would rather avert our gaze than stare down, way beyond the precipice, into the endless void below.

I have always regarded myself as the type of person who constantly asks, "Do I dare disturb the universe?", and without hesitating, replies emphatically with a resounding "But of course".

Yet, is it really so despicable to turn toward comfort rather than espouse uncharted territories, particularly in our weakest moments, those of fear? Or is that the time in which we are required to delve into those unexplored depths with the most reckless abandon?

That is the unwavering, and likely unsolvable problem, I suppose. That is, the impenetrable question of the human essence, of how to define it, of how to negotiate it.

There is no definitive answer. The human condition is fluid and constantly manipulated by forces both exterior and interior to it. We can only decide how we wish to navigate our existence.

The rest is just ashes in the wind.

Love & light,
M xx

Night Film




“Mortal fear is as crucial a thing to our lives as love. It cuts to the core of our being and shows us what we are. Will you step back and cover your eyes? Or will you have the strength to walk to the precipice and look out?” 
― Marisha Pessl, Night Film

I felt my life was mostly the live action epitome of existentialism - existentialism incarnate - with fragmented bursts of normalcy. My reality a single extended exhalation. I felt frustrated, angry, anxious, confused, but mostly, sad.

After a fitful night spent thrashing around between the suffocating sheets unable to embrace the solace of sleep, I finally managed to fall into a disturbed and restless slumber long after the sun had risen. 

I awoke less than an hour later, unsettled, an aching sense of discontent lingering like stale smoke around my shoulders and collar bones. These nightmares are frequent and unyielding.

Love & light,
M xx

Jumping Jack Flash



























There are a lot of really crappy things that come with being an insomniac - the long hours spent angry and frustrated, tired but unable to sleep, and defeat - finally giving up and watching crappy late night TV - like a zombie, not really taking anything in. But there is one thing that, I, as a sleep-deprived neurotic, am privy to that most (well-rested) people aren't. 4am is the best time of the day. Just before the sun rises, when the world is still asleep and everything is completely still. There is a sort of eerie calm that washes over the world at this hour. It is almost like being suspended in a perfect moment in time that is completely unaware of past, future or even itself. And then you get to watch and hear the world wake up - which in the moment feels so magical that you almost can't believe it happens every 24 hours. First, the birds start to chirp, stretch their wings and shake their feathers. Second, the sky starts to lighten, so slowly at first that, unless you are really paying attention, you don't even notice it happening. Then begins the gentle hum of traffic in the distance, front doors swinging open and the voices of people starting their day. And just like that, it is as if that perfect moment of solitude never existed. That's why 4am is my favorite time of the day.

Love & light,
M xx

P.S.: Lovely photographs courtesy of my lovely dad :)

Whaddup, Liebster Award!!!

So, as I mentioned in my previous post, I was nominated for both the Versatile Blogger Award and the Liebster Award - which I will be posting about today!!! :) A HUGE thank you to Stephanie from VidathingS for nominating my blog for the Liebster Award!!! Please check out her blog, like immediately, because it is all kinds of awesome!!! :) To have been nominated for this award and the Versatile Blogger Award, especially when my blog is still so new, is such an amazing honor and it really inspires me to continue growing and nurturing my blog. :)


THESE ARE LE RULES
  1. Share 11 things about  yourself
  2. Answer the 11 questions that your tagger gave you
  3. Choose 11 fellow blogs to nominate. The nominees must have less than 200 Google Friend Connect Followers and be told via comment on their blog
  4. Think of 11 questions to ask the bloggers that were nominated 
  5. Thank the person that nominated you and link back their blog

11 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF
  1. My family is literally the most important thing in the world to me.
  2. I love being outdoors. I believe that too often we forget that we are a part of nature and inherently connected to it. 
  3. I hate technology but don't know how to live without it. 
  4. I am my biggest critic and my own worst enemy.
  5. Even though I think it's a good thing, I don't adapt easily to change. 
  6. I am obsessed with horror movies. Especially old, black and white vampire movies, like Nosferatu, and classic zombie movies a la George Romero. 
  7. One of my most pressing dreams is to see the world and have amazing, life-changing experiences. 
  8. Sometimes I wish my life was a little bit more like a John Hughes movie. 
  9. For a large part of my life all I wanted to do was be a classical musician. 
  10. I feel like my experience of high school poisoned me against things that are actually valuable in life. 
  11. I want to be a blues singer in a dark smokey club lounge. 

STEPHANIE'S 11 QUESTIONS

   1. How you love spending your time? The best way to spend my time is with my family. I am house-sitting 
       at the moment and experiencing severe separation anxiety! I also love getting lost in the world of literature 
       and music. 
   2. Two clothing items that you can't live without? At the moment I would have to say my high-waisted 
       shorts and crop tops (this will probably change soon, with winter drawing closer and all that)
   3. What can people learn from your blog? Or what do you want them to? Of course this is primarily a 
        fashion blog, so I hope to inspire others with my style (I feel quite narcissistic writing this). But my blog 
        isn't only about fashion. It's also about contemplating life and daily frustrations, so I hope my readers are 
        able to take something useful from my ramblings. 
    4. If you could pack your bags right now and move to another city, which one would it be? I'd 
         probably choose somewhere in Greece or Turkey, because I'm really fascinated by the culture at the 
         moment. 
    5. If you could meet one famous person, who would you choose? Hmm, this is a tough one, there are 
        so many inspiring figures. Can I choose someone who is dead?? Because I would love to be able to have
        a conversation with Michel Foucault or John Lennon. 
    6. A sunny day at the beach or a cold, snowy day at the mountains? A sunny day at the beach wins 
        every time. 
    7. Most amazing thing, memory or day of your life? This is such a difficult question to answer. I guess 
        the memory, or actually memories that stand out the most in my mind are those days in my childhood, 
        when everything was simple and life was full of promise. I remember days spent playing in the garden with
        my sister, building puzzles with my mom on rainy days, and getting piggy-back rides from my dad. It is 
        these moments that I cherish the most. 
    8. Favourite scent? The smell of bread baking is truly amazing. 
    9. Describe your style in 3 words. Eclectic, retro, colourful. 
  10. What is the motto of your life? "See everything, and ourselves in everything, healed and whole, forever".
  11. What is your favourite beauty product? Probably mascara...I have really pathetic eyelashes. 

MY 11 QUESTIONS

   1. Who is your style icon??
   2. What are two of your worst habits?? 
   3. Are you a morning person or a night owl??
   4. What is your favourite song at the moment?? 
   5. What do you do if you are having a really bad day?? What calms you down?? 
   6. If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be??
   7. What would your superhero name be?? 
   8. What is your favourite accessory?? 
   9. What inspired you to start blogging?? 
  10. All time favourite movie?? 
11. If you were stranded on a desert island and could take 3 things with you (excluding human 
        beings), what would you choose to take?? 

MY 11 LOVELY NOMINEES!
  1. Galia from Fashionarted
  2. Smiley Clara from Ditsy Sprinkles 
  3. Blythe from Blue Roses
  4. Bianca from XOXO Lolita 
  5. JKal from Jkal's Vintage Affair 
  6. Kaitlyn and Lotte from Moon Magic 
  7. Ashley from The Little Dainty Sailor
  8. Lauren from Creativity is Blisss
  9. Anna from Annagram
  10. Fiona and Jenny from The Scarlet Ribbon  
  11. Mia from Fashionably Late  
These are some of the blogs that I have stumbled across recently and really enjoy reading, so please check 
them out - they are all so amazing!!! :) 

To all the nominees, please comment with a link to your Liebster Award post so I can read your answers!!! <3 


A huge thank you again to Stephanie from VidathingS for nominating me for this award!!! :) 

Love & light, 

M xx 

P. S. Tomorrow I will post a new outfit (with my new hair *wink* Ooh la la!!!) 

Degenerate Beauty Queen


















I think I day dream way too often. Can a person be a chronic day dreamer?? Well, if one can, I definitely am. Maybe it's because I don't sleep at night, but I am so often lost in a dreamy haze. Especially when I'm driving and listening to a really great song that makes me feel like a character in an epic novel. Sometimes I pretend I'm a heroine driving into the sunset on an open road, with no destination - only possibility. Perhaps it is when I do actually sleep (I have had insomnia since a child so the most I sleep a night is four hours. Six hours is like heaven) I have atrocious, violent nightmares which tend to torture my already-jumbled psyche. So I suppose these day dreams are a sort of escape for me. Anyway, the reason I shared this is because these pictures kind of remind me of my day dreams - hazy and a little romantic but with a hint of edge. (I'm also quite obsessed with this bowler hat, just saying).

Just a quick shout out to my wonderful and dear friend, Lauren Boyd, for taking these beautiful pictures at her amazing new house :) Thank you so much, Lauren!!! :) xx

What do you guys day dream about?? Any other insomniacs out there?? :)

Love & light,
M xx

Silent Night



The night is silent, 
It steals my screams,
It makes me nervous,
It hates my dreams