Special Topics in Calamity Physics

 

 

"And I feel like I'm dippin' and divin'. 
My sky shoes are spiked with lead heels. 
I'm lost in this star car I'm drivin'. 
But my air sole keeps pushin' big wheels. 
My world is a constant confusion.
My mind is prepared to attack.
My past, a persuasive illusion.
I'm watchin' the future it's black.
What do you know? 
You know just what you perceive.
What can you show?
Nothing of what you believe.
And as you grow, each thread of life that you leave
Will spin around your deeds and dictate your needs
As you sell your soul and you sow your seeds
And you wound yourself and your loved ones bleed
And your habits grow, and your conscience feeds
On all that you thought you should be
I never thought this could happen to me." 

- Don McLean, Dreidel 

An imperceptible sigh. That is how I categorize my existence now. The slow and steady release of breath symbolizing my inability to hold on to the will to live. My perpetual decent into the various circles of hell. Dante's Inferno beckons me, with whispers that feel like thistles on my eardrums, blood trickling down the side of my face, the metallic aroma prickling my nostrils. I always thought of myself as a writer, yet I am barely grasping my ability to formulate the narrative, the lyrical dialogue, the intro, body and conclusion, as it were. I have lost the plot, a thoroughly post-modern dilemma, some might say. Is it ethical to call myself a writer if I am hardly wont to label myself human? Are the two really indissociable? My perception is warped, not unlike fun-house mirrors, distorting reality, drawing one into what lies beyond the twisted glass. A world of fear, loathing and disillusionment.

Love & light,
M xx 

A Portrait of a Woman as a Young Girl

Last night I dreamed that I was running through a forest. I looked down and realized that I was naked. I was confused by the serenity of my surroundings because my heart was pounding with fear. I had the feeling I was being chased. I glanced behind me and noticed an ominous shadow in my wake. I ran until I reached the bank of a rapidly flowing river. I spun around to face my shadowy opponent but I was only surrounded by trees and flowers and the soothing sound of the animated water below me. The distinctive aroma of cherry blossom suddenly occupied my olfactory senses. I looked across the river and saw a tall, pregnant woman staring back at me. "Am I dead?" I screamed, but the words caught in my throat and I was acutely aware that I could no longer speak. The woman smiled at me and dived into the water. I awoke expecting to find her beside me but I was alone. 

Love & light, 

M xx 

I Lost Myself on a Cool Damp Night

Sometimes I feel like my life is nothing more than a vague imitation of a badly written postmodern novel. Disjointed. Fragmented. Unfinished. I am floating around in a sea of grey, waiting for the epilogue that never comes. Some cliched indie film about a young ingenue suffering through an existential crisis. The not-so-enigmatic anti-heroine. A supporting character in her own narrative. A tragic victim of my neurosis. A thinly veiled portrayal of my poorly disguised desperation for a happy ending that is as tangible as a wisp of smoke.

Long hours spent on the dance floor tying to re-live my misspent youth. Is this what passes for music nowadays? Or is my repulsion just an indication that I have become jaded? These people are like the undead, wafting past one another, looking but not really seeing, speaking but not really listening, silently judging as they repeat their carefully constructed swaying ad nauseum. I have the gnawing suspicion that I should feel excited to be here but I am incapable of summoning the appropriate level of joie de vivre. I surrender and let the chaotic amalgam encircle me. I close my eyes and let the vibrations carry me.

The morning after the night before. Smudged mascara and the stench of stale cigarette smoke linger on my hair and under my fingernails. Re-watching old reruns of That 70's Show and pretending I don't exist. The canned laughter is my own. Stolen embraces in deserted stairwells. Juvenile wishes made under touching tree branches. I am anxious that all I will leave behind when I'm gone is the vague scent of Very Cherry lip balm and regret.

Love & light,
M xx

With Flowers in Her Hair

I love how the world looks just after it has rained. Everything seems brighter and greener - a vibrant shade that seems to light up any surroundings. And then the first rays of sun begin to gently pierce through the grey, ominous expanse of storm clouds and every tree and building seems new and fresh. Swallows and starlings cautiously creep out of their hiding places and begin to sing with delight. The sun hits the wet roads and the streets are suddenly paved with gold. I'm Dorothy, skipping down the Yellow Brick Road. I think that this is my favourite part of the rain. Those magical moments just after it stops, when everything is still and anything seems possible. I guess the point of this poetic tangent is that things aren't perfect all the time. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it storms but there are these fleeting moments of joy, of pure unadulterated bliss that we should savor, because they make the difficult parts fade into oblivion, if only for a minute. 

Anyway, my philosophical ramblings aside, I just want to give a shout out to everyone who reads my blog - I can't put into words how grateful I am that people actually take the time to read what I have to say. As a writer, it is difficult to put yourself out there and hope that you are well received. 

Also, thank you to everyone who leaves such lovely comments on my blog, I love reading through them and I will always respond by visiting your blog and returning the courtesy. I've been so busy lately (I'm house/cat sitting at the moment) and I haven't had time to respond lately, but I promise I will get to it as soon as I can! 

Love & light, 

M xx 

P. S. Lovely photos courtesy of Pat Sydie :) 

Whaddup, Liebster Award!!!

So, as I mentioned in my previous post, I was nominated for both the Versatile Blogger Award and the Liebster Award - which I will be posting about today!!! :) A HUGE thank you to Stephanie from VidathingS for nominating my blog for the Liebster Award!!! Please check out her blog, like immediately, because it is all kinds of awesome!!! :) To have been nominated for this award and the Versatile Blogger Award, especially when my blog is still so new, is such an amazing honor and it really inspires me to continue growing and nurturing my blog. :)

THESE ARE LE RULES

1. Share 11 things about  yourself
2. Answer the 11 questions that your tagger gave you
3. Choose 11 fellow blogs to nominate. The nominees must have less than 200 Google Friend Connect Followers and be told via comment on their blog
4. Think of 11 questions to ask the bloggers that were nominated 
5. Thank the person that nominated you and link back their blog

11 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF

1. My family is literally the most important thing in the world to me.
2. I love being outdoors. I believe that too often we forget that we are a part of nature and inherently connected to it. 
3. I hate technology but don't know how to live without it. 
4. I am my biggest critic and my own worst enemy.
5. Even though I think it's a good thing, I don't adapt easily to change. 
6. I am obsessed with horror movies. Especially old, black and white vampire movies, like Nosferatu, and classic zombie movies a la George Romero. 
7. One of my most pressing dreams is to see the world and have amazing, life-changing experiences. 
8. Sometimes I wish my life was a little bit more like a John Hughes movie. 
9. For a large part of my life all I wanted to do was be a classical musician. 
10. I feel like my experience of high school poisoned me against things that are actually valuable in life. 
11. I want to be a blues singer in a dark smokey club lounge. 

STEPHANIE'S 11 QUESTIONS

   1. How you love spending your time? The best way to spend my time is with my family. I am house-sitting 

       at the moment and experiencing severe separation anxiety! I also love getting lost in the world of literature 

       and music. 
   2. Two clothing items that you can't live without? At the moment I would have to say my high-waisted 

       shorts and crop tops (this will probably change soon, with winter drawing closer and all that)
   3. What can people learn from your blog? Or what do you want them to? Of course this is primarily a 

        fashion blog, so I hope to inspire others with my style (I feel quite narcissistic writing this). But my blog 

        isn't only about fashion. It's also about contemplating life and daily frustrations, so I hope my readers are 

        able to take something useful from my ramblings. 

    4. If you could pack your bags right now and move to another city, which one would it be? I'd 

         probably choose somewhere in Greece or Turkey, because I'm really fascinated by the culture at the 

         moment. 
    5. If you could meet one famous person, who would you choose? Hmm, this is a tough one, there are 

        so many inspiring figures. Can I choose someone who is dead?? Because I would love to be able to have

        a conversation with Michel Foucault or John Lennon. 
    6. A sunny day at the beach or a cold, snowy day at the mountains? A sunny day at the beach wins 

        every time. 
    7. Most amazing thing, memory or day of your life? This is such a difficult question to answer. I guess 

        the memory, or actually memories that stand out the most in my mind are those days in my childhood, 

        when everything was simple and life was full of promise. I remember days spent playing in the garden with

        my sister, building puzzles with my mom on rainy days, and getting piggy-back rides from my dad. It is 

        these moments that I cherish the most. 

    8. Favourite scent? The smell of bread baking is truly amazing. 
    9. Describe your style in 3 words. Eclectic, retro, colourful. 
  10. What is the motto of your life? "See everything, and ourselves in everything, healed and whole, forever".
  11. What is your favourite beauty product? Probably mascara...I have really pathetic eyelashes. 

MY 11 QUESTIONS

   1. Who is your style icon??

   2. What are two of your worst habits?? 

   3. Are you a morning person or a night owl??

   4. What is your favourite song at the moment?? 

   5. What do you do if you are having a really bad day?? What calms you down?? 

   6. If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be??

   7. What would your superhero name be?? 

   8. What is your favourite accessory?? 

   9. What inspired you to start blogging?? 

  10. All time favourite movie?? 

11. If you were stranded on a desert island and could take 3 things with you (excluding human 

        beings), what would you choose to take?? 

MY 11 LOVELY NOMINEES!

1. Galia from Fashionarted
2. Smiley Clara from Ditsy Sprinkles 
3. Blythe from Blue Roses
4. Bianca from XOXO Lolita 
5. JKal from Jkal's Vintage Affair 
6. Kaitlyn and Lotte from Moon Magic 
7. Ashley from The Little Dainty Sailor
8. Lauren from Creativity is Blisss
9. Anna from Annagram
10. Fiona and Jenny from The Scarlet Ribbon  
11. Mia from Fashionably Late  

These are some of the blogs that I have stumbled across recently and really enjoy reading, so please check 
them out - they are all so amazing!!! :) 

To all the nominees, please comment with a link to your Liebster Award post so I can read your answers!!! <3 

A huge thank you again to Stephanie from VidathingS for nominating me for this award!!! :) 

Love & light, 
M xx 

P. S. Tomorrow I will post a new outfit (with my new hair *wink* Ooh la la!!!) 

In an Octopus's Garden, In the Shade

I have been feeling kind of out of sorts lately - frustrated and despondent. I can't seem to shake the feeling of wanting to run away and then the subsequent realization that I don't have anywhere to run to. A few days ago my dad and I went to Jeffreys Bay, a small surfing town less than an hour away from where we stay, to work on a freelance article. As we were driving into town I looked behind me and witnessed the first rays of sunlight creeping up of the mountains. I watched until the sun had fully risen into the misty morning sky. For a moment I lost myself in the overwhelming beauty of nature. We spent a lot of time walking on the beach. As cliched as it might sound, it was thrilling to kick my shoes off and feel the warm sand between my toes, the crisp sea breeze on my face. I dipped my toes in the numerous rock pools scattered across the beach and let the salty water soak my tired feet. During that time I forgot about everything that has been weighing on me - every problem, every worry dissolved. And I felt free. Of course, the minute I was back in the car and was back with my cell phone I lost that feeling of liberation. So since then, every time that I feel like I'm being pushed towards the edge I close my eyes and try to recapture what that sense of freedom felt like by remembering what it was like on the beach. This whole account probably sounds kind of pretentious and self-absorbed, but it is what I need sometimes to get through the tough parts in life. Besides, I believe that appreciating the beauty of nature, and our place in the world as part of nature, is extremely therapeutic. 

What do you do to help you get through the rough days?? Share your moments with me :) 

Love & light, 

M xx 

P. S.: Photographs courtesy of Pat Sydie :)